Dispelling preconceived ideas....

Sitting in on Janna's teaching is a constant reminder of my purpose; why I am here in South Africa, not only my reason for being here, but also preparing to head to Australia for my next season of life. I am here, after thousands of miles of travel, loss of hours of sleep, 9 hours of time change, and adjustment to a new culture and set of responsibilities... Excited to participate. What makes me tear up even more than the opportunity to assist the trainers, is investing in the lives of so many. These Africans are so loving and beautiful. My friend told me before I arrived "make sure you get to experience TRUE Africa." I responded in doubt that I would get that opportunity as I would be in a training and conference center for the short two weeks I had come for. In addition, I had this perception of where I was going of being predominately affluent by African standards at large, which my bias dictates that this is not "true" Africa. Yet, I am so wrong.

The workshop of 31 from all over South Africa!!!!

We have had the privilege of investing in the lives of those living and working in, what we consider in our western world as barely tolerable as a lifestyle; yet these South Africans do it without complaint. They do it out of their passion for those who, as scripture says are the closest to God's heart and the weakest and most vulnerable in society.





Psalm 10:14
"But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted;
    you consider their grief and take it in hand.
The victims commit themselves to you;
    you are the helper of the fatherless."

These care givers do what God has called us all to do and have sacrificed much and fought the systems here in Africa to do so. They come against lack of support from the government, education systems, and even more heart-breaking , their churches;  indeed the very system that they work for and under. The church here, but not limited to Africa, is the place where they often find most friction and lack of prioritization of care for the children and children's programs. You and I are fully aware that children are our future and are at the center of God's kingdom, the apple of His eye.

Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

Very little funds are given to such and one  women's testimony here was that as they raised funding running an event for their children's programs, the church leadership in turn took the majority of the funds raised and left a very small percentage for the children's ministry and programs.

True Mozambiquen talent!

These are the types of injustices they come against not including each child's own stories of brokenness and need. These individuals challenge me in so many ways and have told us again and again how key and valuable this training has been for them. Many have even shared how their perspective and focus has changed and they are energized to take back this training to others they work with and their churches and to implement change where they have the authority to do so, fighting for where they do not.  Many of these individuals (there are 31 total) are doing full time work and ministry with children who have been marginalized by society. The approximate number of kids the trainees minister to is


Here are a few quotes from the participants of the seminar below. They speak volumes more than I could say if I were to try to recap everything.

“I believe things can change.”

“I learned so much.  There is more to taking care of children than development, what God thinks, a Biblical perspective. “What God intends’ was so powerful.

In front of Nelson Mandela's home in Joburg

I came to get trained but I feel like I’ve been going through a retreat!.

If we can teach our children what we’ve learned here we will have presidents!  Those who will do things according to God’s ways.. 

God has no hands, but ours.
God has no ears, but ours.
God has no eyes, but ours.
God has no feet, but ours.”

Story of $70 million being given to AIDS in one province of South Africa.
$65 million went to research and people’s salary
5 million went to people to help them.
Still don’t know how it helped.

Even though I teach others these things, I learned so much!  Steven.

(It’s important) to give children the opportunity or the legal responsibility to talk or speak for themselves.

Impacting generations of African Care Givers

A recent conversation comes to my mind as I begin to attempt to bring a little clarity to my present and constant changing season. As many of you know I am currently in Portland assisting in the preparations to take a two week intense training course to caregivers in South Africa with a team from the Women and Children's Advocacy Centre.

As we were preparing to pray together before meeting as a team, one friend said something like this...

I was reminded and challenged by a man at church this week to whom I was sharing about what we will be doing in S. Africa. In his enthusiasm, he pointed out to me the implications and number of individuals who will be impacted and trained to improve and facilitate quality care for children in this country within these weeks.

I, personally, was challenged and humbled to be reminded by an outsider just how important and vital this training is. We have been given the opportunity to train 37 advocates from various regions of S. Africa who have been chosen as advocates from various children's homes, ministries and churches where they work as caregivers. They will then in turn train others and pass the training tools, ideally and prayerfully, to generations of care givers to come. They have a vital role in the lives of the children as well as we do in getting the help and tools that they need as workers already working hands on in the field with children in need. The numbers that could be impacted are high and I feel privileged to participate, observe, and learn from these knowledgeable trainers whom I am joining in this endeavor. Really in many ways I am an idealist and can imagine the impact this 2 week training, and the training to follow later this year, will produce in South Africa. Even more so I know even more that nothing is impossible with God.

I am challenged to send out a support letter and will be doing so to follow, but I also would like to invite you all my viewers to join me on this journey and help me in any way God leads you. I have my plane ticket, but just found out that the cost to stay in South Africa will be above and beyond what I was aware of prior to arriving in Portland. Please feel free to write to me as you feel led to send me any encouragement, words or prayers. In addition, financial donations would be greatly appreciated and vital as I currently receive highly valued but minimal support. You can donate on this blog through PayPal, or make a tax-deductible gift through YWAM of which instructions are below under donate. If you have further questions, my email is
Resgateyrestauracion@gmail.com.

surrender... a word I find in my speech almost daily

"Jesus was forcing His disciples to trust Him. God would have to come through for them because they had nothing else to fall back on.  This place of trust isn't a comfortable place to be; in fact, it flies in the face of everything we've been taught about proper planning. We like finding refuge in what we already have rather than than in what we hope God will provide. But when Christ says to count the cost of following Him, it means we must surrender everything. It means being willing to go without an extra tunic or a place to sleep at night, and sometimes without knowing where we are going."
 Francis Chan

The above quote from "Crazy Love" reminds me so much of how our life has nothing to do with us but all about God, an all consuming and powerful creator who gave us life and everything that we need to live our lives to the full.  Yet our life is but a breadth here on this earth. I am being challenged to live life not for myself or what I can get out of God or this world but how my life will glorify Him. I want to join Him in this adventure of life and not simply ask Him to come along side the destiny I set for myself.

I believe He has been teaching me these things in these past years of my life with purpose as I have come to that place more and more of learning to trust in Him with full abandon. Still, I have a long ways to go where I can fully lean on Him in moments of anxiety, insecurity and doubts of the present and the future. Needless to say this journey is a freeing one and thus as I embark upon my newest journey, I am reminded over and over again to lean on Him and to step out in faith, one step at a time, because He is guiding.

I may not see fully what He is doing or directing me to do. I don't have the complete picture yet. I do, however, have pieces of the puzzle. I will be honest and admit I am scared to take the next steps that He is guiding me down as they will take an act of faith. I have ideas about what the end of this year will look like, however, I know well they could change as has been my life's journey, in particular the last 3 years since I left to do full time missions.  Beyond these steps, I am learning to move forward in faith and absolute trust, much like the disciples must have experienced, and surrender my future to Him. Trusting that He has my steps ordered.

Mid March I will leave Kansas City once again to start a new journey. I will be going to Portland, Oregon for a month to learn more of what the Women and Children's Advocacy Center does and all aspects of its operation as a ministry. I have been trained and seen first hand their training workshops in Costa Rica. A team of us will then travel to S. Africa for a 2 week training in which a church there has invited the WCAC to train some of its members.  From S. Africa, I plan to travel to Australia, where I will stay for  some time with my good friends in Sunshine Coast while figuring out my next steps and traveling and networking with the contacts I have in Australia and then to other locations of Oceania.

He is doing a new thing!

Scene: Wendy's in downtown San Jose, Costa Rica with fend for yourself seating and others lurking to take your table as soon as you get up....

characters: my friend Christy and I, our almost weekly meeting up (after she takes two or three buses down from the mountains and I wait a long time to pick up a bus close to my apartment)

Christy:  "I have something for you." hefting her 30 pound backpack on the table

I smile and think to myself... Oh dear, now what kind of surprise does my spontaneous friend have for me? Out proceeds a rather large seashell... mind you we are not close to the beach, over several hours by car, so she had toted this shell with her over some what of a strenuous journey. 

Christy: "As I was cleaning/shining this shell God told me to give this to you."

Now I am the owner of a fine shell that has been transported back with me months later to my temporary home in Kansas City. She told me that in my next journey/season I was going to be like this seashell that rides the waves. I won't know where I am to go or my next step until I proceed and God will be guiding it every step of the way.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isa. 30:21

Of course this was just additional confirmation that He is guiding me but no direct answer or location. My other good friend Marcel and I commited to fasting and praying together for my next steps prior to me leaving Costa Rica. I was somewhat hesitant to return to KC without an idea of my next steps or specific direction. My friend received the same that I would not know my next steps until I arrived back in KC.

Its been a testing of my patience and faith to be home with so little "known." I have been anxious to figure it all out, but He has been so faithful in the midst of it all. I realized once I arrived home, how burntout I was and needed His refreshing and healing. Needless to say its been a difficult past three months but oh so good and a chance for me to learn to TRUST without fear and be healed and restored to a place where soon I will be ready to minister again. I needed to recenter and refocus on Him, my purpose for doing ministry and not the daunting need that exists.

I, as of this week, felt a "go" and a quickening in my pulse to begin taking steps out in faith; knock on those doors and test the waters. For many months now I have felt Him tell me to go where my heart leads me. Maybe to the majority of people that would seem like a huge relief; to me its just scary. Perhaps I am even scared to dream BIG, because honestly I have some crazy dreams.

I have felt for sometime my season in Latin America is over. I have longed to visit other parts of the world but felt that was just my adventurous and exploring side of me. I never thought that maybe it is truly a part of who I am and how God created me to embark upon and work with many nations and people groups. I also began to have this deep need within me to embrace a people group and place as my own and finally root. I know to those who know me well, that may be truly shocking. I have always been a free spirit, living simply with little to no earthly attachments.

So I had to ask myself what is it exactly that makes me tick and where, if I was given the choice to choose any location and ministry, what would that look like? I decided that the most recent tug on my heart was towards rooting somewhere yet would this take away from that innate side of me that still desires to invest in and travel to other parts of the world? How would those things meld together? Was I being crazy in thinking there was a way to do both? Would I be able to root somewhere and pioneer ministry and training on location while still taking and providing support and training abroad?

My answers seem to come through my dialect with friends/contacts with the Women and Children's Advocacy Center as well as those working as leaders in YWAM bases. I am dialoging with the possibility of pioneering and networking with my contacts in Australia/PNG/Samoa/Vanuatu and elsewhere; while still praying about the specific location in this part of the world to root. My ideas for now are to see how I can work with the WCAC (Women and Children's Advocacy Center) and YWAM bases in Oceania, this particular part of the world, and from there doing pioneering, investigation and networking while being available to take the celebrate children training (through the WCAC) to remote locations where people are already working with children and women at risk and just need more support, training and resources. I also want to be back on a base and a part of community life. So, I will most likely work to help as part time staff wherever I end up.

Details and specifics to follow.... still praying and working it out. Will be posting more regularly.

Discovering the Concept of Home

I've been thinking of late... wouldn't it be so nice to just simply click my heels and say there is "no place like home, there is no place like home" and suddenly, I am home. The question is, where is home exactly? This concept or word "home" what does that mean exactly? This is what I have been asking God, where is the place that He wants me to root? I have this innate desire to root; finally (just as I am to those who know me best, a free spirit) the idea of rooting somewhere used to be so binding and so restrictive now I just think how reassuring it would be to know where in the globe I am to establish myself next. I was so convinced I was called to remain in Latin America; I no longer feel I am tied to Latin America only. Many have spoken words over my life that  I am "called to the nations." So what does that look like exactly? A pretty crazy concept. I spoke with Janna recently about it. Janna is the founder/director of the Women and Children's Advocacy Center and she has attempted to help me discover what it is exactly that I want to do for my next steps. The ironic part of it all is that really I could go anywhere its not so much about location as what exactly I want to do once I get there.

I went last week to the prophetic room/ministry at IHOP (International House of Prayer) to get some direction and clarity. I did get some encouraging words that God is speaking but definitely not specifics or location. The funny thing is what was confirmed in this time was more of my giftings and strengths which is quite ironic as they saw such variety and diversity in my giftings and strengths; some I have known for a long time others that I have discovered only recently. Yet I left definitely more encouraged  but also more confused about exactly what or how these giftings will have place in the next location God calls me to. I feel strongly somehow all the little pieces of my life and the giftings will be used in my next location, which I sense will be long-term and where I can root and then go out and do shorter term work from there.

The other ironic thing about having spent time in the prayer room/IHOP is that I happened to walk out into the foyer for a second and while there I overheard some guys conversing and that one of the guys had a t-shirt with the slogan/words  "Sex + money" (for those of you who don't know, this is a particular project initiated by YWAM to document the sex trade and its impact on modern day slavery). The interesting part of it all is this was a reminder to me of some of the training and research that have played a huge role in my life in the past years in missions. The embodiment of this all while working to train volunteers in areas of justice with YWAM, getting training through Not for Sale in the areas of anti-trafficking, and now spending time at  IHOP.  I feel lately God has been stirring more and more a passsion for 24/7 intercession and worship in my heart just as pioneering; beginning any ministry and work comes about through a huge investment in prayer and years of asking and seeking God for wisdom and His hand to begin and direct in the initial stages and as the backbone throughout any ministry. Exactly how this all will meld, come into existence, I am yet clueless; I just sense God stirring my heart more and more to find out exactly how He is going to put all those pieces of my various interests, passions, training and experiences into practice or to at least, make a little sense of the random order of my journey.

This video below is put out by my friends doing a series of videos on Human Trafficking in Costa Rica:

Alrevez. [Backwards] from ofbrokenwings on Vimeo.

A Time for Everything...

Its 1:30 a.m. and I am up... really feel like I should stop and truly process. Would love to process with someone right now but sometimes its harder to explain verbally, so here goes my attempt.

I am back in the U.S. indefinitely after a 3 year stretch in Latin America. I am not sure how to feel or be. I had a nice re-entry welcome at 1 a.m. when my 3 new roomies, who just happen to be some of my closest friends and sister. We all went to bed far too late that night. When I woke up I felt sad to not be in a foreign country any longer or with people as my roomies had all gone to work. However, the rest of the day kept getting better and better. First of all, the weather here has been freakin' amazing.. ie. for October ... in the 80s, sunny and gorgeous with trees just now beginning to change color. This is the first time I have seen true Fall in 4 years. Autumn is my favorite season!  Then I get home and went to the Boiler Room where I proceeded to meet 2 individuals; one was in YWAM for 4 years in various countries and the other who has been working with children at risk in KC and is going to open a home for children in need in KC. Crazy, no matter where I turn, God won't let me go too far from my calling/passions.

Bringing liberty to the Captives

Hello all!

I wanted to share a bit of the theme of our base today... raising awareness and praying for victims of human trafficking. One of the students of our school lead an intercession time with the base, challenging us to move and act out on behalf of these victims globally. He shared that if each of us could share with at least 3 friends of ours, links that raise awareness to this area of injustice; asking them to do the same and share with three of their friends, then awareness is multiplied on a large scale. So I am writing this blog to do just that and ask others to join me.

Having done a 2 week training in 2010 with Not for Sale and having friends who have worked in this area to combat human trafficking, stirs my passion and my heart for what is happening globally. In some way, I feel God is going to use this training and my passion in my next season of life. I am excited to see just how He unfolds this and directs me in my next steps.

I also felt my personal conviction is once again to remember my new year's resolution to only purchase fair-trade chocolate and coffee. I have wavered in this commitment a bit over the past months, but I will admit it is hard in a country that sells little to no "fair-trade" products. Still, with your help, I want to be held accountable again and finish my commitment to the end of the year and then reassess after the end of 2011. Please join with me and keep me accountable as I know my purchases and conscience are being held accountable to the millions of slaves all over the world that are sold for my consumer benefit along with my fellow citizens of the world.