loneliness

This is the first day since I have arrived that I feel down and a little sad. In processing it, I realize a little that it is due to simply the overwhelmingness (is this a word?) of the time and energy it takes to build relationships and feeling a little lost in a culture and people. I speak the language but not the culture. 

I am tired... so  far, these first few days, I have pushed myself and stepped into uncomfortable situations for me where I had to exert myself. It was good, is good, but I am tired today.... tired of trying to be the extrovert I am not. It is hard when one is introverted to connect with others right away or to even get to show oneself and reveal one's character to others. 

I want to laugh and have fun and be silly, but I am usually only like that when I feel comfortable enough with others to do so and I let them in. I very much appreciate the time I spent with the Freemans and Jessi today. I allows me to see into the future of how we will connect as a team and I look forward to being myself with them more and more. For now, I have to exert myself to go there and not be soo serious. It is true though, in order to start a school with such a serious and oppresive material matter/focus, you have to let your self have fun and just BE, laugh, cry, relax, do whatever it takes to heal and to deal....

more later.... gotta go